1.5/5 Review

Escape From Terror City looks bad, plays very poorly, and is about as much fun as trapping your fingers in a door.

We can’t fathom how the screenplay for Fool’s Paradise could have been worked on for decades.

If you’ve ever wondered what early game builds might be like, play Sapu.

For the good - the visuals, audio, navigation of paths and occasional combat moments - there are tens of things in XEL that will hold you back.

Children of the Corn (2023) is just about the least horrifying of horror movies that we’ve watched in the past few years.

What we’re left with is half a game. Gnomes Garden 8: Return of the Queen stops abruptly halfway, thanks to a critical save bug, and it’s a flip of a coin whether you will emerge with your save game in one piece afterwards. At the moment it’s a no-brainer - don’t dare play this. Wait and see if 8floor address the issue.

We stopped caring as reality after reality was proven to be fake, until we reached the point where Hypnotic became an unwitting comedy.

Greyhill Incident feels like an unfortunate swing and a miss at a hugely underused slice of horror. Using Greys as a threat should make for a rather tense and scary alien abduction experience, but whilst Greyhill Incident is indeed horrific, sadly it is done so in all the wrong ways.

Age of Solitaire: Build Civilization is one of the best-looking solitaire games we’ve played, but it’s a fancy wrapper on some unmitigated tosh. 

If Blacksmith Forger was a free-to-play mobile game, we’d be complaining about the lack of material. You could barely make some tinfoil out of it. When there are dozens of alternatives for Overcooked!-style games, you’d have to be desperate to pick Blacksmith Forger out of the line-up.

The 90 seconds is less about the length of matches, and more about its shelf life. You’re going to retire 90” Soccer faster than you can say Jack Wilshere.

Sentry Paragon feels like a cash grab in the worst possible way.

You’d be best off avoiding CyberHeroes Arena DX and spending your time with Vampire Survivors instead.

If Legendary Heroes was a fun, dynamic MOBA, all of the grindy free-to-play balancing and legacy systems might have been forgivable. But it really isn’t.

You can’t argue with the price of Touchdown Pinball, but it very much feels like a case of getting what you pay for.